Spin
by Molly Raesly
Summary: As the bottle started to slow down, Lily silently willed it to land on anyone except for her. Its speed was decreasing by the second, and Lily saw it heading in her direction. She was about to offer her first born child up to Merlin when it stopped.


"Absolutely not."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please!"

"Will you bloody stop?" a frustrated Lily asked as she slammed the book she had been reading closed. She flopped back onto her bead and rested her head on her headboard. Dorcas jumped onto her bed, and Lily wobbled from the weight. She snarled. "My answer is no."

"C'mon, Lily."

"Dorcas Ann Meadows, I pointblank refuse to be involved in it in anyway. If you lot are stupid enough to want to go play Spin-the-Bottle in the Common Room, go have a ruddy good time, just leave me out of it," Lily huffed as she started flipping through her book once more.

Dorcas sighed heavily as she pried Lily's book away from her hands. "Reading, Lily? Seriously? We just finished our O.W.L.s this morning. We should be celebrating with chocolate frogs and fanged frisbees and firewhiskey!" Dorcas ignored Lily's attempt to voice her disapproval and continued with her monologue. "After a whole bloody year of getting knowledge shoved down our throats, you should welcome something else. It won't be that bad. All the other students are at lessons right now, so it's just the Fifth Year Gryffindors. Everyone else is doing it!" She said with a laugh as she pushed Lily playfully.

"Dorcas, I am immune to peer pressure. I took that potions years ago."

"Don't I know it," Dorcas mumbled under her breath. She decided to go for a more rash and impulsive tactic. "If you don't move your keister downstairs in the next five minutes, I will tell James Potter that he can easily bypass all of this staircase nonsense and come up to our dorm just by using his broom."

"You wouldn't!" Lily exclaimed in a scandalized tone.

Dorcas smirked wickedly. "Oh, I so would. I'm sure he'd appreciate it. His eyes might bug out of his head, though, if he actually got to see where _the _Lily Evans sleeps."

"Potter," Lily muttered through gritted teeth.

"Choose. Either you play a little, innocent game, or James Potter has full access to your knickers."

"Why would he be anywhere near my knickers? He doesn't even know where they are," said Lily, confused.

"Boys are born with the innate sense to predict where a girls' knicker drawer is. I don't know how or why or any of that, I just know it's true."

"That's ridiculous," stated Lily. She sighed. Dorcas was always spouting off about something. Each idea was more absurd than the next.

"I agree, but that doesn't change anything. I'm the blackmailer here. You have to play Spin-the-Bottle, or your knickers get it," Dorcas replied.

"You are evil," groaned Lily as she stared pointedly at Dorcas. No one could be more diabolical than Dorcas.

"Yes," Dorcas conceded. "But at least now I have someone to witness what could possibly be my first kiss with Remus John Lupin!" she added with a girly squeal. Dorcas had developed a crush on Remus at the beginning of the term. Ever since, Lily had been forced to listen about how blue Remus's eyes were or how amazing he was at Defense Against the Dark Arts or how delicious he looked when he wasn't wearing a shirt.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I don't see why you don't just tell him you fancy him. Why do you have to resort to such silly games and then drag me down with you?"

"The game wasn't my idea, it was Sirius's," Dorcas corrected her.

"Figures," Lily murmured under her breath.

"The fact that the boys in our year are incredibly delicious is just a perk."

Lily rolled her eyes. This was so typical of Dorcas. Lily loved her dearly. She was a charismatic, compassionate, and intelligent girl. She and Lily shared similar interests and a passionate love of chocolate frogs. Still, whenever it came to boys lately, Dorcas turned into a simpering moron like most of the other foolish girls in their year. "I doubt this has less to do with you wanting to save my social life than it does with you wanting to get a chance to snog Remus Lupin," she replied mutinously.

Dorcas did not even have the decency to deny it. "C'mon, Lily, he's so fit! I just need you to go play with me to make me feel less silly. I need my best friend. Please!" pleaded Dorcas, who exploited her puppy-dog eyes and unleashed the full persuasive power of her pout.

Lily groaned in anger and defeat. "Fine!" she snapped. "I'll go sit there and hold your bloody, hand, but if Potter gets anywhere near a five meter radius of me, I will replace you with a less annoying best friend."

Dorcas laughed loudly at her empty threat. "Yeah, sure," she replied as she smiled knowingly. "You won't find anyone better than me."

"I think even Petunia's newest boyfriend would be preferable to you right now."

"That bloke who looks like a whale?" asked Dorcas, wrinkling her noise. "That's taking it a bit far."

"He wouldn't force me to play Spin-the-Bottle."

"He also probably wouldn't ever let you have any food. He'd just hog it all for himself."

"Merlin, Petunia has bad taste in boys," mused Lily.

"Well, I doubt she could reel in a catch like, my Remus. She doesn't have your amazing love for your best friend."

Lily sighed loudly. Dorcas grinned back at her impishly and stared at Lily expectantly.

Lily waited for her to move, but Dorcas stayed put on Lily's bed. "Aren't we going to go downstairs now?" she huffed impatiently.

"Well, aren't you going to change?" asked Dorcas delicately as she tried to avoid anything confrontational.

The damage, however, was done. "What's ruddy wrong with what I'm wearing now? It's not like I'm seriously going to change just to go downstairs!" Lily fumed.

Dorcas eyed her outfit wearily. Lily was still wearing her school robes that were actually the correct length because Lily would never do anything as scandalous as have the hemline of her skirt be above her knee. "It's just that you'll be the only one wearing your robes," said Dorcas, gesturing to her own outfit of shorts and a t-shirt.

Lily muttered all sorts of curse words as she drudged off her bed and fished through her trunk for something more suitable to wear. She shoved herself into a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.

Dorcas eyed her disapprovingly.

"What now?" Lily fumed.

"Honestly, Lily? It's summer, and the fires in this castle are suffocatingly hot. Would it kill you to show a centimeter of skin?" Dorcas walked over to her trunk and picked up a black tanktop that was lying haphazardly on top of a pile of clothing. "Put this on."

Lily sighed and grudgingly threw on the top. "You owe me for this," she said through gritted teeth as she poked her head through the top.

"I know, Lils. I'll spend eternity trying to make this up to you. Merlin Forbid, I actually try to get you to have some fun."

"Let's just go," Lily replied.

"Wait! You should put on some lip gloss first!" Dorcas reminded her cheerfully.

Lily slapped her palm to her forehead as Dorcas grabbed Lily's hand and dragged her over to a vanity mirror.

Nearly fifteen minutes later, a very exasperated Lily was finally allowed to go downstairs to play ruddy Spin-the-Bottle. She felt slightly uncomfortable in all of the makeup that Dorcas had slathered onto her face. She still looked like herself, but the weight of mascara was weighing down her eyes. When Lily told this Dorcas, she just laughed and told Lily that she would get used to having heavy eyelids and that it was all just part of being a girl.

This bothered Lily. It was possible to be a girl without wearing makeup and worrying about boys and clothes constantly. Everyone was going completely bonkers lately with hormones. They were all losing their minds. Lily was the only sensible Hogwarts student left.

"Dorcas!" Remus greeted the brunette to Lily's right with a smile.

"Hey, are we late?" Dorcas asked as she beamed back at him.

"Nope, we were just about to start." He smiled at her and then his eyes widened as he noticed Lily. "Oh, Lily, I didn't think you'd be joining us."

"Dorcas put an Imperius Curse on me," Lily grumbled as she finished coming down the stairs and noticed the small group of Fifth Years sitting in a circle.

"Excuse me?" asked Remus.

Dorcas rolled her eyes. "Ignore her. She thinks she's funny. Let's play!"

"Right," agreed Remus, giving Lily one last look before guiding Dorcas over to the group.

Lily followed them and plopped herself down next to Peter Pettigrew because it was the only spot available. Apparently, Remus had only saved a spot for Dorcas. About nine of her classmates were chatting excitedly in a circle. As Dorcas had predicted, they were all wearing muggle clothing. Lily silently cursed Dorcas for being right. Lily watched the pair sneaking smiles and glances at each other with a mix or irritation and envy. It annoyed her that they did not just come outright with their feelings for each other and skip all the teenage rubbish. However, the longing look in both of their eyes made her almost want someone to be coy with. Almost.

"Merlin, he's gorgeous," cooed the strawberry blonde next to her.

Lily grimaced at the feminine, breathy sighs emitting from Ashley Parkinson. She was practically drooling as she gushed tyo the girl to her left.

"I mean, Merlin, have you noticed how adorable James's hair is? The way it sticks up in the back is so sexy. I wonder if he uses a charm on it. Maybe, I could---"

"Ready to play?" called Sirius, shaking a green bottle for emphasis.

Lily had never been happy to see Sirius Black before. She knew this was a bad idea.

Sirius sat down next to James and placed the bottle in the center of the circle. "Okay, so we've got Remus, Dorcas, Connor, Gerald, Charmaine, Kadison, Ashley, Lily, Pete, James, and myself."

Lily noticed how James's head spun in her direction when Sirius said her name. He gazed at her questioningly, and Lily shot him a dirty look. He smirked and threw her a wink before turning his attention back to Sirius's explanation. Lily crossed her arms across her chest and did the same.

"So basically you just spin the bottle and then snog whomever you get senseless."

"What if we get someone of the same sex as us?" Lily heard Peter ask from beside her.

"I already thought of that. The bottle's been enchanted to stop at a person of the opposite sex. There's no way I was going to kiss one of my mates," Sirius finished with a grimace.

Lily was impressed. That was actually some good thinking on Sirius's part. Plus, the charm he must have had to perform was hardly common, so he must have looked it up in a book. The mental image of Sirius in a library made Lily giggle. She covered it with a cough.

"Okay," Sirius announced. "Who wants to go first?"

Everyone exchanged glances nervously. It intrigued Lily that everyone was too self-conscious to volunteer. The oddities of the human mind were so enigmatic.

"I'll go," said James, breaking the silence.

Lily snorted derisively. Of course Potter would want to stand out. He would do anything to get attention. She watched with disdain as he reached to ruffle his hair while he leaned forward to spin the bottle. Everyone watched silently as the bottle swiveled around on the floor. As the bottle started to slow down, Lily silently willed it to land on anyone except for her. Its speed was decreasing by the second, and Lily saw it heading in her direction. Just as she was about to offer her first born child up to Merlin as a trade, it stopped.

Lily heaved out a sigh in relief. It was pointing to Ashley on her right. It had never reached her.

"Ooh, Ashley!" Sirius announced as he thumped James on the back in a brotherly way as though to congratulate him.

Lily rolled her eyes. Sure, Ashley was pretty, but she was also very dim. Lily often wondered why she had been put in Gryffindor. She was quite spineless.

"You have to kiss her now, James," Sirius said.

James looked at his friend tiredly. "I know, mate. That's kind of the whole point of the game."

"Right," replied Sirius.

James shook his head and then scooted across the circle towards Ashley. Still on his knees, he gave her a friendly smile. "Sorry about this, Ash," he said. "It seems you're going to have to kiss me."

Ashley looked like she was about to faint when she breathed, "It's okay."

James grinned at her warmly before wrapping one hand around her neck and the other around her waist as he pulled them closer together. He brought his lips down to hers and they kissed.

Lily stared at them openly. They were so close to her that she could smell the scent coming off of James's shirt. The kissed sweetly for a few moments and Lily's face began to grow warm. Suddenly, she was picturing herself as the one moaning throatily into James's mouth and toying with the unruly hair at the nape of his neck. Disgusted with herself for thinking such obscenities, Lily shook her head to erase the image from her mind. Dorcas was right. Lily did need to get out more. If she was lonely that she had to resort to fantasizing about James Potter, obviously she needed some male contact.

There was a slurping sound as they broke apart. Lily's stomach felt queasy. She had just witnessed her two least favorite people snogging. She could vomit. That or punch Ashley in the face to make her stop giggling. The girly was bloody insufferable. Lily's hands balled into fists at her side as Ashley gave James a playful peck on the lips before he retreated back to his side of the circle.

"Okay," said Sirius. "It's Ashley's turn."

Ashley had to kiss Connor, who in return kissed Charmaine. Lily was pleased to see that when Charmaine spun the bottle, it landed on Gerald, on whom Lily knew Charmaine, a shy but very sweet girl, had harbored a crush. Next, Gerald had to lock lips with Dorcas. Lily pleaded with Merlin to spite Dorcas for making her play such a rubbish game, but her luck had run out for the day. When Remus and Dorcas emerged from their rather heated snogging, they both had wide, foolish grins plastered to their faces. Lily rolled her eyes. Although she had never taken a liking to Divination, she could easily foresee hours of Dorcas blabbing incessantly about that kiss.

More turns passed and Lily lost track of who had kissed who. Frankly, she really was not that interested. This was just another instance of hormones gone wrong. She had examples from the Marauders every day. She looked at her watch and then wistfully at the stairs as she wondered how much longer this was going to take. At least she had not had to kiss anyone yet. After another dull ten minutes had passed, Sirius had possession of the bottle for at least the fourth or fifth time.

"Maybe we should stop playing," Sirius mused. "Classes are going to be let out soon."

"Okay," James agreed. "We can head down to dinner early. I'm starving. Thos O.W.L.s take a lot out of a guy."

"All that thinking hurt your brain?" Remus teased him.

"Well, you know, Moony, it's hard to keep up with the cycle sometimes. Your carnal urges take control," Sirius said with a huge laugh.

All four of the Marauders burst out into laughter, much to Lily's confusion. She decided she didn't want to know.

"So I guess that's the end," Sirius announced lamely.

"Wait!" Ashley screeched.

Lily rolled her eyes. The girl was shameless. She would do anything to kiss James again.

"Lily hasn't gone yet. We can't stop before everyone has a turn," Ashley stated.

Lily nearly growled at Ashley as she passed her the bottle. Lily ignored it. "Really," she began. "It's okay. I didn't even want to play."

"Aww, come on, Evans," Sirius urged her. "Just spin it. It's not going to be the end of the world if you snog some bloke. I'm sure Dumbledore will still let you be the next uptight McGonagall."

Lily grabbed the bottle from Ashley angrily and spun it forcefully as she steamed in her aggravation with everyone in the circle. She barely watched the bottle turn as she plotted all the ways she was going to kill Dorcas for making her play this idiotic game. Suddenly the sound of the bottle scraping against the floor ceased, and Lily heard a collective gasp from the group. She frantically searched for the bottle and found that it was pointing to James Potter. He was staring at the bottle with the most incredulous expression Lily had ever seen.

She sprang to her feet. "No way," she voiced too softly for anyone to really hear her. "No way," she repeated herself.

James stopped staring blankly at the bottle and turned to fix his eyes on her. They looked glazed, as though they were processing too much at one time.

Her stomach felt nauseous. She felt so disgusted. Nothing could be more grotesque than the thought of his lips on hers. She made no attempt to hide the revulsion on her face. Lily's heart started to pound in her chest as she waited for him to swagger towards her with that stupid smirk of his. She knew he must be loving this. He had spent the entire term tormenting her and trying to charm her into going out with him. Now, suddenly, he finally got his chance to kiss her. When she met his eyes with her own, she was shocked to find that they were filled with sheer panic. He had also backed away from the circle as though he was trying to get as far away from her as possible.

His arms were tugging at his shirt as though he was trying to make himself seem smaller. He was looking at Lily with an inscrutable expression. He glanced back down at the bottle.

"This is a stupid game," James said quickly. His voice sounded strange and a tad forced. His words were even stranger. "We don't have to kiss."

Lily opened her mouth, but she couldn't find words. She just stared at him.

Sirius looked like he was about to say something, but James stopped him.

"I'm not kissing her."

The words were unyielding. The owner would not be persuaded.

Lily blinked. His words stung. Sure, she was incredibly grateful. Never in her entire life was she so happy that someone was breaking the rules. Yet, why would James Potter, the boy who asked her out every chance he got, refuse to kiss her? She kept picturing that same look of defiance on his face. Every bit of him had screamed rejection. It was overwhelming. It was unadulterated. It was painful.

Lily did not have time to process her emotions because a bunch of Sixth Years, talking loudly and laughing at some joke, gallivanted into the Common Room. Taking this as the cue that the game had finally ended, Lily ran up the stairs to her dorm. She lost her footing on one of the stairs but continued to race to her room. Once inside, she slammed the door and collapsed onto her bed. No one followed her.

For reasons unfathomable, she felt the urge to cry. Thick moisture was brimming up in her eyes, but she refused to let the tears fall. She thought about what had just happened. James Potter had refused to kiss her. He had kissed both Kadison and Charmaine, as well as that slag, Ashley, twice. Even if he did disapprove of the game, it was fairly obvious that that had not impeded him from kissing others. He had kissed them with much gusto. He had smiled crookedly when he had finished. He had given his partner a smile and sat back down casually. He had done the same routine four times. Yet, when it was Lily's turn, suddenly he did not want to play. He would not sink as low as to kiss her, Lily Evans.

Embarrassment and rejection washed over her. Was there something wrong? Did he not like her anymore? Was Dorcas right? Was she really not someone people wanted to be around?

Lily mentally chastised herself. She was being absurd. What did it matter to her anyway? She should be singing that Potter had finally gotten over his ridiculous little infatuation with her. Merlin, she had not even had to waste her first kiss on such a ruddy git.

In the back of her mind, Lily replayed the scene of James and Ashley snogging. From the noises she had been making, he must have been a hell of a good kisser. He wasn't as rough and demanding as she thought he might be. It had seemed that if James Potter was going to kiss you, he was going to kiss you that your entire body felt it right down to your toes. That's the kind of kiss Lily wanted to be her first.

She groaned. Her brain was going to places she did not want it to go. These images were not the kind she wanted to see. Lily sat up and crossed her arms. She lividly yanked the curtains of her four-poster bed shut.

After nearly three hours of seething mixed with brooding, Lily heard someone open the door and walk into the room.

"Dorcas, I'm not in the mood," Lily said abrasively as she flopped back down onto her pillow.

"Um, it's not Dorcas," she heard a masculine voice say back.

Lily hastily swung the curtains away to see the intruder.

"Potter," she muttered.

He sighed and examined her with a melancholy expression.

"How did you get up here?"

He held up his broom, which he placed on a nearby desk. "Dorcas told me I could just fly right on up."

Lily clicked her tongue. "I bet she did," she murmured maliciously. She got off her bed and walked towards him, making sure to maintain a measurable distance between them. "Why are you here?"

James swallowed nervously and fidgeted with his hands. She could tell he was refraining from ruffling his hair as he flexed his fingers. "I came to talk to you about before."

"Oh," replied Lily, turning red remembering the scene. She forced herself to be more diplomatic. "Well, what about it?"

"You haven't left your room in about three hours. You missed dinner," said James, his tone mirroring hers.

"I have food up here," replied Lily, shrugging. "Don't worry about it. I know Dorcas forced you up here, so you can just say you checked on me and get back to doing whatever it is you were doing."

"No, Lily, I wanted to come here."

"Why?"

"Before with that pathetic excuse for a game. I can't help but to wonder if us, us not kissing," he began, swallowing hard on the word, "is the reason why you're up here."

Lily folded her arms. "No, it's not. I just felt like catching up on some reading. It had nothing to do with you."

"Oh," replied James softly. The magnitude of her words washed over him, and he looked forlorn. He walked towards the door. "I guess I'll just leave then."

"Wait!" Lily called.

"Yes?" he asked hopefully.

"It might have had something to do with that."

He walked back towards her.

She had expected his face to look happy. Instead, he looked pained, as though her sadness was causing him distress, as well.

"Lily, about the game. I just want you to know that it doesn't mean anything. It's just a stupid way for teenagers to be idiots. I'm just glad Sirius didn't throw firewhiskey into the mix."

Lily's forehead wrinkled into confusion. "If it's just a pointless game, how come we didn't just kiss? Why didn't we just do what you did with Ashley? Why did you turn me down if it wasn't a big deal?" She didn't have time to regret her questions. They were spilling out too quickly for her to hide the emotions behind them. All tact was forgotten.

"I would never, if I had thought for even just a second that you---" he stopped talking and then looked down at the floor. His hand twitched at his side, but he did not let it wander up to his hair.

"If I what?" Lily asked.

"Lily, when you saw that bottle pointed at me, well, I've never seen anyone with such a look of abhorrence before. It's obvious that I repulse you. I know, I've been a complete prat to you. Of course you hate me. Of course you would never want me to kiss you."

"Then why didn't you just use your chance? Are you disgusted by me,too?"

"No!" he said quickly. "No," he repeated in a softer voice as he stepped closer to her. "I, Lily, I, er, well, disgust is not what I feel for you. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to kiss you so badly."

Lily looked at him. The lust was written across his face, but there were other emotions there, as well. They were deeper. She was surprised by his sincerity.

"Then why didn't you?" asked Lily, confused.

"That look on your face. How could I kiss you if you were so against it? I don't want to force myself on you. It'll only hurt me in the end. It's not a good idea to love someone who hates you."

"James, I don't hate you."

"Your face told me otherwise. So I panicked. I'm sorry. It's just that kissing you would mean everything to me."

"I don't understand," Lily told him.

"Lily, when I think about kissing you, I'm not the one kissing you. You're the one kissing me. I don't care if it takes years before it happens, but I'm not going to waste something so important on some silly game. You're so much more than that to me."

Lily stared at him. She had never heard anyone say anything so beautiful.

James smiled awkwardly and walked towards the door.

He opened the door and turned to look back at her. His smile was nervous as he reached for his hair. "I'll see you later, Lily."

Lily walked towards the closed door and stared after him as she tried to comprehend what had just taken place. She wondered if it had all been a dream when she spotted James's broom on Dorcas's desk.

Lily picked it up carefully and examined it. There was a smile note tied around the handle that read "Lily" on the cover. Lily untied the string and hesitantly opened the parchment.

_Lily,_

_When you're ready for the bottle to stop spinning, let me know._

_Yours always,_

_James_

Lily smiled as she pocketed the letter for safekeeping.


End file.
